Entry # 6: Depressed People

Diagnosed depression is becoming a more and more common thing. Some people think it's a lie, sure, like depressed people are just choosing to be lazy and making their lives suck more on purpose.

But why would anyone do that? Seriously. 

I feel like the initial reaction of most people is to try to tell a depressed person to get over themselves and make their lives better. To be fair, I use to not understand the whole concept either. I also saw a lot of people who were just lazy or sad trying to call themselves depressed. I think it's probably one of the most misunderstood mental illnesses. Google it and prove me wrong, if you want, but I'm going to go ahead and make that claim. People try to treat depressed people like they're just moping around and can get better whenever they decide to but I've learned that there is a very different method to dealing with people suffering this way. 

This is about to get personal. You don't have to read this. 

I'm going to have to give you a little bit of backstory for some of this to make sense. 

My little brother is two years younger than me. My mom moved out and took him with her when I was like.. 15? He ultimately came back because she decided he was too difficult and so then it was just my dad, my brother, and myself living in the house I grew up in. My whole house was pretty much this big box of sad.

My dad has been pretty much the same person since I can remember. But I didn't realize until it was just the two of us that the reason he is the way he is goes hand in hand with depression. Once my brother came back, I saw it even more. I was living in a box of sad with two of the hardest people to live with. I use to get so frustrated. Why wouldn't they do anything? Why was my mess a problem but their mess okay? 

I found some answers in a blog. This blog, to be specific. 

Basically, what I learned is that the boys were going to get overwhelmed -a lot- and the more I comment on it the more they were going to shut down. I learned that the boys were going to be more of a project and that I was going to be responsible for taking care of them. I learned to not look at the rough times and get mad but to enjoy the good moments when both of them were in an up phase at the same time even though those moments were super rare. 

Recently, my brother moved back away to be with our mom again. I visit often because he's pretty much my favorite person, no matter how difficult. But she doesn't understand him; she is one of the people that believes most mental illnesses are fake and medications are stupid. She tells him he needs to do all of these things around the house or he can't live there. She tells him he sleeps too much. She tells him he needs to get his life together. But it's not all that simple. She doesn't understand that the amount he sleeps correlates directly with how overwhelmed he is feeling. She doesn't understand that everything she nags him about only makes it worse. 

Today, I sat with him and talked to him while he filled out his first job application. When he seemed frustrated, I read the application to him and explained that it is simpler than he was making it in his head. When he got done, I told him how good he is going to be at whatever job he gets. We talked about all of the cool things he could do with money from a job. We made jokes and we laughed. He even told me he would buy me lunch sometimes to make up for all of the lunch I've bought him. He's probably the cheapest person I know, so that was impressive. 

And, before I left, he thanked me for understanding and helping him get through something that he had been wanting to do for months but just couldn't wrap his head around. 

That is how you live with and love someone with depression.